Scene. Unrequited. Act. Fuck this shit.

bird is sitting on a branch. 

bird sits there for a while. 

Bird flies up and lands next to it. B Bird is very tired. 

Bird. Hi.

bird. Hi. 

[Silence]

Bird. Nothing?

bird. What?

Bird. Nothing? Not a hug? Not an 'Oh, I'm so excited to see you?'

bird is silent. 

Bird. Okay.

[Moment of pausing silence]

Bird starts to fly away.

bird. Where are you going?

Bird. I am sick of this. I am so fucking sick of this. 

bird. What?

Bird. All of this. I am sick of falling in love with people who don't love me back. I am sick of loving people more than they love me. I am tired of putting all my energy into something that feels like a black hole? Where are you!? Where did you go? You certainly aren't here anymore or I would see you, I would feel you. I can't believe- You know you are- It's just... You are something else, My friend. You are. 

Bird pauses.

Bird. And I hate myself... but I can't stop loving you. But I need to know you love me too. 

bird is silent.

Bird. I hate you. And I hate me.

Bird flies away. 

END

Act. Gold? Scene. Silver.

Introducing a new character:

KNIGHT and his trusty steed. 

They are looking for the gold that is on the other side of this rusty rickety bridge.

As KNIGHT begins to ask the horse to cross the bridge he looks down and sees a mound of silver.

KNIGHT. HORSE! Stop. Look at all this silver!

Horse. The gold is over there.

KNIGHT. Yeah, but the silver is right here. And look at that bridge. You can never tell if we will make it over there alive. I think we should stick with the silver. I'm happy with the silver.

Horse. You would be happier with the gold.

(Pause)

Horse. And you know it. 

Knight. But the silver is here. And I have it. What if the gold doesn't like me?

Horse. That's a chance you have to take to be happy.

The knight needs to make a decision if he should settle for being kinda happy... or venture out into the unknown to find something that makes him ungodly happy... and there is no for sure if he will find it or not... 

TO BE CONTINUED

Act. Stick. Scene. Bugs.

It's a warms summer evening. 

Around 9 O'clock (if you are on daylights savings time).

8 O'clock if you are not.

This is geographically significant. 

I am on DST and around 9 is twilight and that is when the earth comes alive and it is a sight to see. At 8, though... it's just hot and muggy and sticky and shitty.

Zoom into a crack in the sidewalk.

Stickbug 1 (SB1) is chilling out. 

Stickbug 2 (SB2) walks up.

SB2. Hi.

(No answer)

SB2. Hello?

(Still nothing)

SB2. Sticky bug?

SB1. Right now I am a stick. Not a bug.

SB2. Oh.

SB1. Yeah.

(Pause)

SB2. Sticks can't talk.

SB1. Well, I turned into a stick bug to answer you. Could you please leave so I can go back to being a stick?

(Pause)

SB2. You're so sad.

(Pause)

SB2. Pretending to be a stick when you are really bug. How nice... to not participate in life at all and still get full credit for being alive.

SB2 leaves.

It begins to rain. 

SB1 drowns in the crack in the pavement because he is not a bug that can walk away, but a stick.

SB2 cries as he clings safely on a local tree. 

END

Act. Famous Women. Scene. And them.

Lights up.

A catastrophic bang of multitudes beyond comprehension.

Time bends around us as we see light make shapes on the windows.

Tears fall from the ceiling.

Their sadness is all enveloping.

From the mirage appears a young woman.

Her name is Eve.

She steps up to the Mic. 

Eve. Oh, the stories you have been and the legends you have told,

begin and end and go around back again into a tiny little fold 

Where i find myself curled up; cozy, seemingly waiting to die.

You see, my dear, I know you do not love me. 

I cannot help, though, but try. 

She dissipates into oblivion.

History purges a woman from her pages.

Delilah appears. 

Delilah steps to the Mic.

Delilah. Oh, my Samson. Your hair Your hair Your hair Your hair.

My love for you has been there and there and there and there

Under the pillow where I swear I swear I swear I swear

My love for you.

Which has no, and I promise you this, has no end. 

It was with ernest that I stole those scissors from a friend. 

And with joy I separated those lovely hairs from your head

Then I realized my love for you was gone.

And I sat there.

Like a stone.

In bed. 

END

Act. Anything. Scene. Ask Me Anything.

Kay and Ess sit on a park bench.

What a lovely day.

The birds are chirping.

The grass is greener than green. 

Ess turns to Kay.

Ess. Honey.

Kay. Yes dear?

Ess. You look beautiful in this light.

Kay. Why thank you.

Ess. I want you to ask me anything.

Kay. Pardon?

Ess. You can ask me any question and I will be honest with you. Completely.

Kay. Oh my.

Ess. Yes.

Kay. Double edged sword don't you think?

Ess. Pardon?

Kay. I said, 'Double Edged sword don't you think?'

Ess. I suppose so. Why do you say that?

Kay. Because. You win either way.

Ess. Explain.

Kay. Well... On one hand I have the power of knowing the past... but on the other hand... I know you're past.

Ess. Yes.

SILENCE

Kay. Do you love me?

Ess. Oh, Yes.

Kay. Have you ever been with someone else while we were together.

Ess. Yes.

Kay. Why?

Ess. Not sure.

Kay. We've never had sex.

Ess. I know this.

Kay. Yet you have sex with other people?

Ess. This is true.

Kay. Why?

Ess. Not sure.

Kay. That hurts me.

Ess. I'm sorry.

Kay. I'll have sex with you.

Ess. You're a virgin. I can't have sex with a virgin. I'll feel dirty.

Kay. But I like you. And I trust you. It all makes sense. Everything they told us in school about waiting. Wait until you love someone and trust someone and care for something. I certainly love you, Ess and I CERTAINLY trust you. And I care for you deeply. 

Ess. That's very kind of you.

Kay. So why don't you ever want to have sex with me?

Ess. .............

SILENCE.

Kay. Ess?

Ess. Kay?

Kay. .... Do you love me as much as I love you?

Ess. ..................... No. 

Kay. ...........

SILENCE

Ess. Well, I best be off.

Kay. Where are you going?

Ess. To bed.

Kay. I'll see you at home, then.

Ess. I'm sleeping in my own bed tonight.

Kay. What?

Ess. Yes, remember the night you accidentally locked me out and I had to go to my place to sleep?

Kay. Yes. Very sorry, by the way.

Ess. Oh, quite alright. I realized how much better I sleep alone.

Kay. You don't like it when I hold you?

Ess. Oh, it's fine every once in a while. 

Kay. But Freud says you never sleep better than if you sleep with someone you love.

Ess. Yes.......... Well..................

SILENCE

Ess. So I'll see you tomorrow perhaps?

Kay. Perhaps....

Ess. CHERIO!

Ess leaves.

Kay. I waited and waited and waited for someone I love and trust.... funny thing is.... he doesn't love and trust me.....

Kay stands up on top of the bench. She looks up. She examines the sky. She prays to god outloud.

Kay. God. I want to leave. Please make me into a cloud so that I can be gone forever.

Suddenly Kay begins to float and she floats and she floats and she turns into a cloud. 

Every time it rains. 

Ess cries. 

END

Act. The Numbers. Scene. Game/Shame.

Lights Up.

And Old Man Dies.

His soul flies to heaven.

He is seating in front of a panel of Angels.

Angels. Hello, Sir. We are going to ask you a series of questions in which we will know wether you are fit enough to get into heaven. How does that sound.

Man nods his head.

Angels. Just answer in the form of digits.

Man nods his head.

Angels. Alright here we go.

Spotlight on man.

Angels. How old were you when you died.

Man. 85. 

Angels. How many children did you have?

Man. 4.

Angels. How many wives?

Man. 2.

Angels. How many people did you make love to?

Man. 43.

Angels. How many women?

Man. 38.

Angels. Men?

Man. 5.

Angels. How many people did you kiss?

Man. 29.

Angels. ...

Man nods his head.

Angels. How many people loved you?

Man. 20.

Angels. How many people did you love?

Man. 38. 

Angels. How many people did you love love you back.

Man. 5.

Angels. Thank you.

END

Act. Perhaps life is. Scene. A musical.

1 Stands on stage. 

Spotlight on 1

A and B appear at the sides of 1.

They are dressed in government style suits and ties. 

1 feels extremely vulnerable. 

Suddenly A begins to speak.

A. I love you.

1. Really? Wait... Really? No one has ever loved me before. All this time I thought you hated me. And you loved me? Oh my god... I think I'm about to cry. I'm sorry. This is not at all how I expected my first I love you to be. But... It's great. I feel so loved. Hahaha. I guess thats what happens when you're loved. 

B. You're perfect.

1. Pardon? Do you... Do you really mean it? All this time I thought you hated me. And you thin I'm perfect. Hahaha. Oh My god... I think I'm about to cry. I... I have always hated myself. There was nothing I liked about me. And you think I'm perfect? Oh God. Someone in the world Loves me and someone thinks I'm perfect. This could quite possibly be the happiest day of my--

A&B. Now change.

1. What?

A. You're hair is tawny..

1. Well-

B. You're a little pudgy.

1. It's just-

A. You should brush your teeth more.

1. I-

B. Perhaps get eye surgery.

1. It's-

A. Facelift?

1. Well-

B. Do you always slouch?

1. I'm-

A. Have you ever dieted?

1. You-

A. Because you really should.

1. Ok.

(Silence.)

A&B leave.

1 is alone. 

1. How quickly and strangely things change around here. 

1 Looks to the sky.

1. I'm ready to wake up now. 

END