Act: These Days Have Clearly Scene: Gone to the Dogs

A Girl sits on stage under a Tree.

She is drinking a coffee.

She takes a swig.

Girl. GOD DAMNET! This coffee tastes like ass.

The Tree begins to speak.

The Girl pays no attention.

Tree. I've never had much luck with Dogs. DOn't get me wrong. Please. I love Dogs. They're probably my favorite animal. Growing up I always wanted to be a dog walker. Ha. Do they still have those? Did they ever have those? Dog walkers? I feel like it's clumped in with other things. Like if you're a nanny then you walk the dogs also, or you're a dog sitter and you play with the Dogs AND walk them. I just wanted to walk them. I just wanted to be a Dog Walker.

Girl. I mean. It taste like piss. I should complain or something.

She takes another swig.

Girl. FUCK! This is awful!

Tree. I had a dog growing up. We named her Carolina. Not sure why. I had her as far back as I could remember. She was a fantastic Dog. Growing up with her, I thought of her so much more than a dog. Not that I thought her to be a human. But it was like she surpassed being a dog. I could talk to her about anything. She saved my life once.

Girl. I think they just mix their shit in with their coffee. I bet that's it. And then over price this garbage. God damn fucking capitalist cunts. Every last one of 'em.

She takes another swig.

She gags.

Tree. I was rowing a boat in my front yard and this huge Mastiff who was always fenced in, jumped my neighbors fence and started running to me. This Bastard was like 91856 feet tall. And here comes Carolina and she grits her teeth and growls. You know, the way dogs do.

The Tree tries to mimic this.

Tree. GGGRRRRR---- Well. I can't do it but you get the idea. And the huge neighbors dog just drops dead. I'm telling you it just died right there in the front lawn. Carolina didn't have to touch him he just collapsed. As a reward, Carolina and me rowed the boat to Denmark then Russie then Singapore then Cambodia then Brazil then the Grand Canyon. That was her favorite. It was such a fun day. I love that damn dog.

Girl. I'm going to vomit. Simply upheave. I cannot drink anymore of this.

A Boy comes on stage.

Boy. Hey, Honey. Ready to go?

Girl. BOY! I'm so glad you are here, try this coffee. It's sickening. We have to take it back and get my money returned to me.

The Girl hands the coffee to the Boy.

The Boy tries to drink it.

Boy. It's empty. Did you drink it all?

Tree. I miss that fucking Dog.

END