The anticipation is GREAT.
For this is the very very very very very first theatrical production to ever be performed in the ENTIRE world.
History is being made today.
This probably is taking place in Greece or Africa or Mesopatamia.
The Drum roll continues.
The audience cannot contain itself.
There is whispering.
Audience. I'm so excited.
Audience. I hear this changes your life.
Audience. And we are hear to see it!! can you believe it?!
Audience. Remember where you are today. In this great moment in our history.
Audience. EVE! ADAM! I SAVED YOU A SPOT!
Audience. I hope they start soon.
Audience. I have to piss.
Audience. Sit down, they're lowering the lights!!
The Audience waits for the drum to crack.
IT DOES.
Suddenly the curtains fall down.
From stage right comes 49 women balancing on a small child's tricycle.
They do this with such ease.
They are enjoying themselves.
From stage left comes a bear doing tumbles and dives and everything you would expect a small chinese gymnast who lied about her age to get into the olympics would do.
From Up stage comes the bearded woman.
She has a royal gesture to her.
She has a 5 foot beard.
She takes out a pair of scissors and cuts it violently.
She presents her bare face to the audience.
Suddenly, the beard grows back.
She continues this routine forever.
Down from the ceiling they lower bars for the trap-ease artist.
They do their thang.
A large man comes out juggling plates.
After he has done this for an hour he throws them up into the air and as they come down catch them in his mouth and eats them.
They all go on for quite some time.
Then they are finished.
They strike their last pose.
The audience claps for 5.5 days.
The performers stand up and look out at them.
The Audience. What?
Performers. It's your turn.
The Audience. Excuse us?
Performers. What? You didn't think you were going to see that for free did you?
The Audience. We thought it was a gift?
Performers. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA.
The Audience. Don't you all want to do this for us?
Performers. We worked hard on this show.
The Audience. And it was great! Fantastic! The first theatrical experience ever and we all got to experience it together. What a wonderful thing!
Performers. FUCK YOU!
The Audience. What do you want?
Performers. Shit. I don't know.
The Audience. Then don't get mad at us.
Audience Member. Hey! I found a quarter on the floor. My luck is great today.
Bearded Lady. GIVE IT!
Audience Member. What?
Bearded Lady. Give me the quarter, you CUNT!
Audience Member. Fine, It's just a quarter.
Bear. I want something!
Trap Ease. Us too!!
Performers. We want money!
Another Audience Member. I have a dollar five, but I need that for parking.
Plate Man. No you don't.
The Plate man goes and takes the money from the Audience member and mumbles: 'Fuck you' as he walks away.
Little by little the Audience slowly fesses up to the money that they have.
Ten spot here.
Couple bucks there.
Coin purse in row G.
By the time they figure everything out the Performers sit on stage and count their money.
Bearded Lady. How much you got?
Bear. 30.87. You?
Bearded LAdy. 28.50
Tri Cycle Woman. We all only got 6.49.
The Performers look out at the Audience.
The Performers. Next time you want to see this you gots to pay 38.50 at the door! YA GOT THAT! ART DOESNT GROW ON TREES YOU KNOW!
The Audience. We have to pay to see this?
The Performers. Yeah! You got a problem with that?
The Audience. Yes. We do.
The Performers. WhAA?S!?!?!
The Audience. How shitty of an artist. You have dumbed down the message that was in your performance so much. I sat here thinking 'God Damnet these people want to show me their art. They want to do this for me. They put this all together by themselves with TRUE LOVE. With FIRST LOVE. They don't want anything out of this. They just want to share. Contribute. Donate to the Human Condition. Make my day a little easier and unload the souls a bit while their at it.' Buying Tickets to see art? What an absurd Idea? It'll never catch on. Never. Just you watch.
The Audience leaves in a ceremonial procession.
Mourning the loss of a great art.
***I'm sorry. I titled this piece wrong.
It should be-
Act: The Theatre Died Scene: The Same Day It Was Born
Thank you.
END
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